Why are we here?
I’ve been thinking a lot about Memorial Day as I write this blog for this week. Memorial Day makes me think about loss and sadness and also about life purpose. Let me tell you why I added life purpose…
A USA Today article
In his article, Joe Millsap reminds us that Veterans are grateful when we thank them, but that they need more than our thanks. They need practical help.
Separation Anxiety
I know that it is normally associated with children when they are toddlers and get fearful, anxious, loud and self-protective whenever their parents are not within crying distance. Change and loud noises cause them to be fearful and anxious for things to return to “normal”.
What if Veterans also suffer from a type of Separation Anxiety? When serving together, they are like a family; they need to trust each other totally. They eat together. They sleep together. They play together. They learn to anticipate each other’s next moves. It is necessary. It is not a choice. It is a survival instinct. They need to work like a well-oiled machine. All for one and one for all. And they must always been on high alert. Any moment, they or their buddies could be in danger. Loud bangs mean gun fire or bombs!
Coming Home is not all it is cracked up to be
It must be difficult coming back home and listening to the superficial things that we are worried about. Like whether the wife, sister, or mother can get off work in time to get to the great sale at the big box store in time to buy something not even needed. Or hearing their child whine because he can’t get a new Lego set he’s just seen on TV. Or cry all night because he can’t have ice cream before bed.
Or what about the veteran’s disappointment from expecting relationships to be the same now they are back. And then discovering that others have “moved on” with their lives. Out of necessity. The way things were when they left was all they had to hold onto. That’s what kept them going under so much stress. Now what? Can you FEEL their pain?
It must be difficult even hearing a car backfire. Or the loud and bright 4th of July fireworks. How DO they get through that without cracking? The automatic instinct would be to hit the ground and shoot back. But then to remind themselves that it is not danger, but just a noise must be so hard on the nerves. Perhaps even having all those emotions dismissed by others because we simply cannot understand. Being treated as though THEY are the bad guy for following instinct.
Or what about not being able to find work. Or finding out your girlfriend did not “wait” for you after all. Betrayal seems to surface everywhere. Where do they turn?
Foreign Missionary Re-entry
It’s an inadequate comparison, but when I returned home after being in the foreign mission field, the only people that understood were those that had themselves experienced being overseas serving. That’s just life, but for military people, it is not just that, but it is a 24/7 high intensity danger. Their buddies are the only ones that can possible “get it”. But their buddies most likely are no where nearby.
What can be done to help with the integration back into society after being in danger 24/7 for months on end? And sometimes for years?
Naturally, we all understand the re-entry struggle when a limb is lost or something else visible like that, but it can be more difficult to have patience with or to understand the very real struggles when there are no outward PHYSICAL manifestations of the harm that has been done to the person. All are harmed. All need patience and encouragement.So, YES, say thank you, but we can do more
Millsap shares some practical ways we can help. He suggests we take time to try to understand. To ask questions. And to listen to the answers. To listen with our heart, not just our ears. We can…
- Ask where did they serve.
- Ask what they have been through.
- Ask what they liked & what they didn’t like about the military.
- Ask them about their transition back into civilian life. And what are their concerns about transition?
- Ask what they need and how you can help.
Then, sit back and LISTEN! REALLY listen! Don’t judge. Just listen. And help any way you can.
Millsap states that as many as 22 vets each day commit suicide. He states the greatest threat is in the first three years after returning home. Some are first homeless. Some are first addicted to drugs or alcohol. Some have lost their families and jobs. Their pain is real. Stop and read that again! 22 vets each day give up. They have lost their sense of purpose.
“We’re still at war but this time the enemy is silence and we can’t win without your help!” – Joe Millsap (USA Today article 5/30/16)
I was reminded there are two dates on a tombstone
Date of birth
Date of death
And between those two dates is a DASH. What is your life purpose?
MAKE YOUR DASH COUNT! One way to do that is: Encourage a Veteran!
And, maybe we can find ways to remind Veterans to continue to make their DASH count!
What will YOU do to MORE THAN just say thank you to Veterans???
Start today!!!
You can reach me by clicking the blue button below.
Until next time, thank you for all you do!
God bless you bunches!
Awaiting His shout,
The MomCourager™
