For the first part of my review of Marge Jones’s The Psychology of Missionary Adjustment, click here. Part two “The Missionary Pedestal” can be found here. Part three “Out of the Womb” can be read here. Part four is “Language and Bonding Grinds.”
The Letdown
In strongly success-oriented western society, the implication is that if you follow a set of rules, you will be successful. Missionary orientation programs teach the latest methods and send the candidate off with plenty of spiritual reading material. Failure to reach unrealistic expectations hinders the missionary once on the field and can affect their self-concept. Rather than humbling us to turn to God for help, it more often (out of self-preservation) causes a focus on self, rather than on the mission or on developing authentic relationships in the new country. And that begins to explain this:
Horrifying Statistic
“Why then are 20 percent to 50 percent of new missionaries failing to return to the field after their first term? …
“When they discover that they cannot accomplish what they feel they should be accomplishing, their ideals can be shattered. Discouragement and sense of failure can result.”
Let’s look at the problems & causes, so we can find Biblical solutions.
Causes
“Because the sending churches think of missionaries as super-people, new missionaries go to the field feeling that they are God’s answer to any problem…they expect instant results, feeling they have missed God’s call if they do not materialize.”
“Many times the wife, who is left out of the excitement of the work but carries a lot of the burden, finds adjustment impossible.”
(Missionaries) “… are often faced with the dilemma of working closely with an organization with whom they do not agree on any number of principles. Veteran missionaries can also be a part of the letdown process.”…
“God is molding servants who need to learn to take orders and to submit.”
Does this have to be the end? Is this missionary “bubble” burst forever, killing the dream? That answer is an emphatic NO! But let’s first look at some of the challenges that might feel like the end…
Bogged Down in Details
Surviving day-to-day in a society that is interdependent is difficult for the missionary from the independent western society. Needing help with everything all day is a stress. Things like buying food, getting fuel, paying bills, government complications for visas and work permits, building permits, and other things necessary for daily activity; and paperwork required by the national mission board, all take up the majority of the missionary’s time. They wonder when can they do actual ministry? They feel frustrated to get on with the work God called them to do.
When the missionary is finally able to learn to remove their mask of independence and perfection, the letdown is diminished. But first, what other problems must they conquer?
Noise Pollution
Urban areas of many host countries are very noisy. People share everything. If they have a radio and their neighbor does not, they turn up their volume so the neighbor can hear it, too. Their TV might be placed in the window, so others can watch it through the window. A party might be loud enough so others can participate even if not actually present. It is a whole different way of thinking and acting. An extra measure of God’s grace will be necessary to survive and thrive, and, to learn to embrace it rather than reject it. To see it as sharing rather than rudeness. All this is requiring a mindset shift. (FYI: This is where a missionary mentor coach is a great asset! 🙂 )
The missionary discovers that neighbors are expected to share in each others’ problems. There is no “individual right to privacy”. Westerners can be seen as stand-off-ish. People from interdependent cultures don’t drive anywhere without filling the car with others and will even willingly go out of their way to accommodate another passenger they invited along. This is an especially difficult concept for the missionary, who values their independent private family time and their time alone. The host country neighbors don’t understand why you would leave to go anywhere with a half empty vehicle! This can cause resentment with both sides of the equation.
Orientation Preparation
Before leaving to go overseas, and then on an ongoing basis, there must be time set aside to prepare the candidate/missionary for adapting to “visibility living” in the “goldfish bowl” in the host country. Of course, there are no substitutes for actually living it out and learning to adapt and then embracing and thriving in the host country.
Much success can be accomplished through acceptance of the differences by becoming a “learner” of the people and their personality and cultural differences. (This is where a mentor-coach-directed understanding of Leading From Your Strengths is of great benefit! 🙂 ) The missionary must embrace God’s grace through it all.
Square Pegs and Round Holes
Those who stay home and support the missionary overseas must avoid: “Viewing missionaries as superhuman beings who can accomplish any task assigned, whether qualified or not, because of the Biblical promise {{Phil. 4:13 that he can do all things through Christ who gives him strength}} (This) has led to the resignation of many capable individuals who could have had a long and fulfilling ministry–in the right position.”
A missionary mentor coach can help the missionary discover their strengths and learn to embrace them in this new setting, rather than fighting them. AND rather than trying to strengthen their weaknesses (which just happens to be someone ELSE’S strengths). We all are created by God to fit together like a big puzzle. Some are the outside border pieces. Some are the curved inner pieces. All fit together to make a complete picture.
Leading From Your Strengths
That’s how it is with humans, too. From Leading From Your Strengths assessments, I teach how to appreciate your own strengths. AND how to also appreciate the strengths of others. We all are different AND necessary for the human puzzle to be complete. (Leading From Your Strengths assessments are Bible-based!)
There should never be a competition.You and they are all by GOD’S DESIGN. Father God, the Creator, purposely chose the personality and gifts for each! It is cause for celebration. Not for despair. Let me know if you would like more information about this process. We can schedule a *free* 1/2 hour call.
Jesus told us to love others as we love ourselves. We are able to do that when we embrace the fact that each is made in the image of God; embracing God’s design for ourselves AND for others. Husbands & wives and ministry teams are strengthened to do the work they were called to do together when this is a foundation to their lives together!
When There Are Inevitable Problems
When there are personality and emotional problems on the field, mission agencies often look only for spiritual solutions, when it is very possible, a reassessment of the strengths of the individuals and their personality types and spiritual gifts are the real issues needing a second look. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, the missionary can:
- Realize he is not alone. God is there in the midst of it all.
- Step up to the plate and have courage to find solutions.
- Use his anger creatively. Control and re-direct it to change for the better.
Denial of Human Desires vs. Denial of Incapability
“The very fact that a person is willing to leave home, family, and friends to go into an unknown country, learn the language, adjust to different living conditions, and often minister under difficult situations indicates self-denial. However, for the person to effectively function anywhere, self-esteem, self-confidence, and some sense of control of the situation are necessary for emotional well-being as well as for effective job performance.” … Learning and embracing your strengths can be that “silver bullet” toward “success” as you serve.
Another Misconception
“Sometimes an individual feels that only church-related work is ministry, rather than accepting both professional and spiritual activities as proclaiming the gospel of Christ. Christ admonished His followers to be the salt of the earth whatever their status or position, bringing flavor to whoever was around them.” If you don’t know & embrace individual strengths of who God created you to be, it is difficult to be “salt”.
Coaching Helps
A mentor coach can be that stabilizing force in your life to help you hold onto the vision, help you with mindset & attitude, which will keep you on the field, fully engaged, loving the language, bonded to the people, and enjoying the culture. Let’s set up a time for a *Free* Call to talk about options to help your experience (or the experience of one you love who is on a foreign mission field) to be all God intended.
Thank you for all you do!
For Part Six "Missionary Guilt Is Real," click here.
God bless you bunches!
Awaiting His shout,
The MomCourager™
