A walk alone by the lake clears my head and connects me to God like nothing else can. Healing happens there.
It happened again yesterday. I was reading “Jesus Himself”…a tiny book (42 pages) by Andrew Murray.The book has a 1893 copyright. He speaks of the disciples on their way to Emmaus, after Jesus died, the tomb was empty and they had not yet recognized that they were actually walking alongside Jesus Himself! 🙂 Oh, how often, I am so dull of seeing. Dull of hearing. That is what I was thinking about as I walked…alone…by the lake.
Andrew Murray speaks of 4 stages of discipleship.
1. Hearts sad and troubled
2. Slow of heart to believe
3. The burning heart
4. The satisfied heart
For years, with a sad, troubled heart, slow to believe I had searched in the wrong places for my answers. Then, one day, I visited a small church in Omaha and I saw Jesus in the people there. They SHOWED me JESUS. My burning heart led me to surrender. I was born again! But there is more. There has to come a time for the heart to be satisfied.
Yesterday as I walked by the lake on my Spiritual Birthday, I realized I was STUCK and my heart was not totally satisfied. I knew that was true! It saddened me.
“How is it I have been Yours for all these years, Lord, and I still do not have a totally satisfied heart?”
Speaking freely with the Lord, I was frustrated with myself. How is it that I had KNOWN HIM as a BORN AGAIN BELIEVER for 40 years that very day. And yet I knew I did not have that “satisfied” heart. It is Jesus AND…in so many ways. Hard to admit, but my soul was not totally and absolutely sold out to Him. Many minutes and hours each day, thoughts of Him do not come to my mind. Many hours each day, I do not even THINK of “touching the hem of His garment” for the healing of my soul (mind, will, emotions) to the point of a satisfied heart and soul. Rather, I grumble because things are not “different”.
Many minutes and hours each day, I do not embrace Him whom my heart loves. Rather, I embrace my own plan. My own desires. My own reasonings.
I was stunned to see this so clearly on that very day of my 40th Spiritual Birthday!
I cried out, asking if I would EVER get it? Would I EVER be able to walk in TOTAL abandonment? My “holding back” showed my love was not complete. I cried out to Him to help me. To show me how! I cried out that I was battle scarred. I admitted my weakness to do it myself. If HE did not do it, I knew I could not.
It was stunning as I listened to the waves to be able to be this honest with myself and with my Lord. It was as though the waves seemed to wash over my brain, to give me clarity of thought. That sound from the waves always refreshes my soul. But this was something different. “I know You always hear me when I talk to You, Lord. Help me to have a satisfied heart. I cannot muster it up. I want to be satisfied in You!”
I want to be fully surrendered. To be “satisfied”.
What about you? Do you have a satisfied heart?
Just like the Women who reached out to touch the hem of Jesus garment.. we need to do the same…. Good , inspiring read…..
Ahhhh…this means so much, Mary Ann Bader (My “spiritual Mom”)!!! More than 40 years ago, you began nurturing me and teaching me about Jesus…by your example as well as your words!
@MaryAnn Bader, thanks for your encouragement. It means a lot, dear Spiritual Mother! Yes, always reaching toward the hem of His garment. I’m struck that we have to KNEEL in order to do that!
Beautiful thoughts, Pam. And you are not alone. I think this side of heaven, we all need to constantly be crying out to the Lord to reignite the flame of passion in our hearts so that it burns for Him only.
Thanks for the encouragement. It’s good to know I’m not alone in the constant need to cry out for my flame to be rekindled! Thanks for taking the time to stop by the comment section, Kim Avery.
Thanks for sharing! Very good!
Glad you liked it, Judy Gardner! Thanks for taking the time to let me know!