The other parts of my review of Marge Jones’s The Psychology of Missionary Adjustment, can be reached by the following links:
- Part One: Book Review: Psychology of Missionary Adjustment
- Part Two: The Missionary Pedestal
- Part Three: Out of the Womb
- Part Four: Language and Bonding Grinds
- Part Five: Missionaries and Bursted Bubbles
What is guilt?
Marge Jones quotes various authors’ ideas about the different kinds of guilt and how to deal with each. After all is said and done, to me, it all boils down to: There is real guilt and there is false guilt.
- Real guilt should bring us to repentance and also to restitution if needed.
- False guilt would probably benefit from some outside intervention (counseling or coaching) to get clarity and to be able to move forward with a fulfilled life.
Bruce Narramore and Bill Counts believe guilt feelings come when thoughts or behavior falls short of ideals. And those standards for your “ideal self” can come from your environment, relationships, your family, society, etc. They believe that “every society has an innate sense of right and wrong that silently judges each person’s deeds as part of his or her ideal-self.”
We learn to become healthy adults when a sense of guilt causes “an individual conscience as a means of self-control. Without that sense of guilt, a society would deteriorate.”
The difference between guilt and shame.
- “Guilt is saying, ‘I did wrong’. It is a violation of a standard.”
- “Shame is saying, ‘I am wrong’, a feeling that the individual is a bad, or unacceptable person.”
“Guilt feelings signal that we have endangered, weakened, or fractured a relationship important to us.”
The good not done
“Missionaries are particularly susceptible to guilt, not because of misdeeds but because of the good not done.” … “Missionaries need to learn to see needs as the host people see them.” In the book, much is covered about psychology and the various kinds of guilt, problems caused by guilt, and solutions. Get the book for more info from the many authorities quoted. This is undoubtedly the very best book I have ever read about every aspect of missionary life.
Life Coaching
Coaching is a relatively new approach to various issues that missionaries face before, during, and after foreign service. (Whether problems with work or family or ministry.) It has been said that when problems arise, those “Problems are generally not caused by the overseas experience but by conflicts with the family itself.” The difference is in the approach to those problems, as well as understanding yourself and others and why we act & react as we do. Life Coaching and Counseling have entirely different approaches for resolution.
- Generally speaking, Psychology deals with the past and what is wrong and who is to blame and tries to fix it. Psychological Counseling generally tries to strengthen your weaknesses. To FIX YOU. Please don’t misunderstand me. I believe there are times when Counseling is needed. But, Coaching is my specialty.
- Generally speaking, Coaching does not ignore the past, because that is what helped to make you who you are. But Coaching helps you discover your God-given strengths and what is right and good about you. And what you can do to move forward with your life. The past is past. You can’t change it. But when you move in your strengths, relationships begin to heal and your life begins to make sense because you are functioning as the Creator intended you to be.
Moving Forward
Understanding and embracing my strengths has been life changing for me. I no longer shame myself by asking, “What is WRONG with me?” Yes! It is interesting to understand the various kinds of guilt and the Biblical solutions to find peace and God’s purpose in it all. But, I don’t want to stay there in this Blog Post, or in my time with clients. I believe in life changing, FORWARD moving coaching. (Not in continually hashing over the past.)
(So if you want to stay in the frame of mind of what is wrong with you, rather than facing what is happening; and embracing God’s wisdom & strength–moving in your strengths in the midst of living your life–then I am NOT the coach for you!)
You’ve heard the song, “Onward Christian Soldiers”. We are in a war for souls and we must be healthy emotionally, and spiritually as well as physically. Mentor Coaching can help you achieve that!
The author does say: “Missionaries could probably be helped with their feelings of guilt if they could confess to or be counseled” ((OR COACHED I might add 😉)) … by a competent professional.” So, I am here for you, dear missionary. Contact me for a *FREE* 1/2 hour inquiry call. You can get your questions asked and answered, and we can get a sense if it would be helpful for you at this time in your life, to have your own personal cheerleader (coach) in your corner, cheering you on while you are on the battle field of missions.
For Part Seven "Conflict Happens. Real Help for Missionaries." click here.
God bless you bunches!
Thank you for all you do!
Awaiting His shout,
The MomCourager™
