For the first part of my review of Marge Jones’s The Psychology of Missionary Adjustment, click here. Part two “The Missionary Pedestal” can be found here. Part three “Out of the Womb” can be read here.

The Language Grind
Being able to express yourself verbally and in writing is important for feelings of self-worth. Being able to communicate in the language of the country where you are serving is crucial. “We see people better when we speak their language.” Some fear making mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable. Sometimes the home office puts unrealistic pressure on the learner. Competition with a spouse or other learners can cause stress. Some learners fail because they confuse studying with learning.

Persistence is required for success. Some choose language school. Others immerse themselves in the host country, forcing themselves to communicate in only the new language. Much like a baby learns the language of its parents. Little by little. Good study habits are important, but some learn instinctively and intuitively. We are all different. We all learn and process events differently. It is important for the missionary to know their personality strengths and your spiritual gifts, in order to be most effective and fulfilled.

Missionary Mentor Coach
At the time of the writing of this book, Missionary Mentor Coaches did not exist. But, we do now! And that is a very good thing. We are trained to help with mindset shifts. With facing and embracing the what is and looking forward to what can be. We are forward thinking. We help you discover who God made you to be, and also how to enjoy the differences rather than fight them in others. We teach you how to become a team with those you work and do life with.

We are not connected to the sending agency so we can be totally objective and the missionary can be totally honest without fear of being sent home. All is confidential between the mentor coach and the missionary on the field. We are that stabilizing force, and an encouragement for you, guiding you toward learning how to go from surviving to thriving while serving overseas.

Bonding Through Love and Concern
Four stages are listed in dealing with missionary change, separation, or loss
“Many missionaries have communicated adequately with poor language skills and have had long and rewarding times of service, often loved by the people they have been working with because of their love and concern.”

Bonding needs to begin immediately upon arriving at the host country, when the excitement is high, and missionaries are “both psychologically and emotionally ready to become ‘belongers’.” Like the bonding between a newborn infant and its mother.

What is Culture Shock, Anyway?

1. “Strain due to the effort required to make necessary psychological adaptations.
2. “A sense of loss and feelings of deprivation in regard to friends, status, profession, and possessions.
3. “Being rejected by and/or rejecting members of the new culture.
4. “Confusion in role, role expectations, values, feelings, and self-identity.
5. “Surprise, anxiety, even disgust and indignation, after becoming aware of cultural differences.
6. “Feelings of impotence due to the inability to cope with the new environment.”

In order to feel secure, a person needs to be able to make some sense out of their situation and environment and experiences. However, understanding does not necessarily lead to acceptance. And we of the USA can quite easily fall into an attitude of superiority, by thinking our ways are better. Rather than adapting to the culture, we can think the host country needs to be Americanized! Scripture informs us that we experience inner peace when we appreciate and accept the differences of others. When I was on the foreign mission field, I often noticed the frustration of North Americans with the “backward” host country. Sadly, it caused the missionary to be discontent and often angry, causing an invisible barrier and preventing deep bonding connections.

Being bi-cultural is the goal. It is the ability to feel at home in either culture without feeling undue stress or anxiety.

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Nine Ways to Reach out to Your Neighbor

 

Time
Our North American sense of time is different than any other country. “American missionaries usually program their work by clocks and watches, whereas the host people may well be far more interested in what is happening and who is participating.”

So many things to adapt to. For instance, two to three hour church services are often the norm. Learning to be comfortable with that shows your interest in the people rather than the clock.

With the things that are frustrating, your understanding of the reasons behind the customs is important for overcoming a judgmental prideful spirit.

Accepting the people
It is doubtful a missionary would admit the inability to accept the host people. But it is a big reason why many leave the field early. When asked, a missionary likely will say the reason for leaving is “health, family problems, children’s education, burnout, but never lack of acceptance.”

The author tells the story of a missionary who had lived among the natives for 40 years; and had even lived with them in their huts, and gone through many dangers together with them, but when he built a home for himself, he had a cement bench put in the middle of the living room for the nationals to sit on. He never accepted them as equals. And one evidence was that he would not let the nationals sit on the furniture in his living room. This is an extreme example, but “reflects the unspoken, sublimated attitude of missionaries who leave the field because of what they say is: “family problems.”

Withdrawal Techniques Used as Defense Mechanisms

1. “Repression is selectively putting out of mind any material that may be unacceptable, threatening, and anxiety-producing…consciously chooses to ignore problems relating to the work, acting as though they do not exist; therefore, they do not have to be dealt with.”
2. “Fantasy substitutes imaginary and more pleasant thoughts for reality. The missionary sees himself as adequately accomplishing the assigned task when in reality he may be causing discord on the field or in the national church.” Perhaps…”always looking at the bright side”…
3. “Denial of Reality, closely related to repression and fantasy, is the refusal to admit that discomforting material exists.” (“One missionary became physically ill almost every time a field meeting was announced, and thus did not have to attend these pressure-filled conferences.”)
4. “Negativism, a part of denial, often results when the missionary continues to find himself in a situation he can neither control nor change.” (Believing only what he instigates is part of God’s plan.)
5. “Insulation is a way of protecting against hurt and disappointment by remaining aloof, uninvolved, and unapproachable….Relationships are no longer considered important and emotions are repressed rather than controlled.”
6. “Isolation occurs when the individual cuts himself off completely from stress-producing situations. Attitudes are segregated, which if considered together, would produce conflict or anxiety.

Rejection
“When tension becomes excessive, total rejection occurs and the missionary resigns from the field.” That can be prevented…Ask me how!

VERY IMPORTANT
“Often missionaries do not look within themselves for the cause of their problems…If outside forces cannot be changed, rejection often occurs, resulting in resignation, although continued ministry would be possible with proper counseling, leading to a more accurate perception of their contribution to the problem.”

Again, you can see why I am so passionate about this book and about the importance of ongoing missionary mentor coaching. Being forewarned is forearmed! You don’t know what you don’t know. I have often told clients, when you say “yes”, the devil immediately paints a bulls eye on your back. You become a target. A mentor coach can be that stabilizing force in your life to help you hold onto the vision of the call, to help you with mindset, which will help keep you on the field, fully engaged, bonded to the people, and enjoying the culture.

Help a Missionary Toward Success

1. Purchase the book for them “Psychology of Missionary Adjustment” by Marge Jones
2. Read the book yourself, to better understand the career missionary experience.
3. Gift a missionary: A minimum of 3 months of Mentor Coaching for a Missionary you know. Contact me & I’ll tell you how to do that!
4. Don’t just send gifts. ASK them what they need. And what is the best way to get it to them.
5. Pray for them. Support them financially without being asked.

For Part Five "Missionaries and Bursted Bubbles," click here.

God bless you bunches!
Awaiting His shout,


The MomCourager™