What about you? Do you have it together? I know that I most certainly do NOT have it together! Didn’t have it together when my kids were young, when they turned teenagers, or after they left home to go to college and to marry. And I hope you will let me know that YOU do not have it together either! Do you ever pretend that you do? I know I do. Still do. Pretend. Try to fool even myself.

Somebody has to take the first step
Moms feel like they don’t “measure up”. The “super moms” that seem to be able to do it all and have it all without a single hair out of place, make it really difficult for the rest of us. I have a feeling that you do NOT REALLY have it together.

I have finally figured out that most moms put on their happy face when they are around other moms (and on FB…with all their happy scrubbed clean, beautifully dressed in the latest styles, children pictures) and so the the struggling moms think they are the only one struggling…feeling like they simply do not measure up.

Consequences of pretending
I don’t know about you, but when I don’t have it together and I pretend that I do, the stress of the “pretend game” can actually make me sick. Either physically or emotionally sick.  And worst of all, my walk with God suffers. It’s hard to have an honest relationship with God when there is a “pretend game” going on with others. I know I need to be more honest to admit when I am struggling. What about you?

I don’t need to go the exact other extreme and become a grumbler, but I do need to be honest when I am struggling.

Comparison struggles
I wish I had admitted my struggles when my kids were young. Because I have a feeling that the friends that I thought were coping so beautifully, were merely putting on their happy face, too …just like me…and were wishing I would admit I was struggling so they could admit it too. Crazy, huh???

The key is first…recognizing what is happening
The fight or flight response will kick in sooner or later when we are under stress. So, self-care is a non-negotiable. My kids are grown up and have kids of their own. But when they were young, I would not allow myself to admit to myself that I could not handle the pressure of being a Mom.

I had prayed for my 12 years of barren womb to finally be fruitful, so I thought I had an added burden to be the perfect mom out of gratitude to God for opening my womb. And then, after the break up of  marriage, most of those years I was a single Mom. I REALLY felt like I did not measure up. Even if you are married, you might feel a bit “functionally single” because your man is preoccupied with making a living or sports or whatever.  You, too might be feeling that you do not measure up. Wanting to pretend though that you are coping fine. But there IS a price to pay. There will be a breaking point somewhere…someplace…with someone. So…

Let’s stop pretending
Whether you stay at home with your kids or work outside the home, I guarantee, you do NOT always have it together. There are days when you simply cannot cope with it all. And I want to say, that is more than OK. That is normal. So what is a woman to do?

Develop a plan — 9 Steps to Freedom
BEFORE those days happen, develop a plan so you can be the YOU that GOD intended you to be to your children. One very helpful plan is to memorize Scripture so you can have that “weapon” to help you fight the temptation to anger during THOSE days. So, here are a few pointers for THOSE days. It is important to:

1. Recognize what you are really feeling.
2. Forget the myth. Admit how and where you are coping or not coping.
3. Call a realistic friend. (Here is where having a Christian Coach is a great help.)
4. Admit what you are feeling. Maybe at that moment you just don’t like your kids.
5. Surrender it all to prayer…asking God for help and for re-direction.
6. Shift your thinking. Remember those Scriptures you memorized? (For such a time as this!)
7. Check in with yourself. Have you neglected self-care? Of course you have!
8. Make an appointment with yourself. Nurture yourself. You’ll be refreshed and energized.
9. Celebrate any and all forward movement. Any and all positive steps forward.

Moms, I want to say this to you:
Thank you for your sacrifices and for nurturing your children. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for doing proper self-care so you can be a peaceful mother…SHOWING your kids authenticity and honesty. Let’s do this together!

Please let me hear from you. Leave a comment. I want to pray for you.